Pitfalls of car buying research

Okay right now I'm looking to replace my current vehicle and one of the biggest frustrations when researching for a car on the internet is that amid all the car review sites, discussion forums etc, is that I have to apply a great big King Kong sized discount factor to North American opinions about what is acceptable or unacceptable in a vehicle. The easiest analogy I can think of right now are men who choose their partners based solely on bra size and degree of blondness......LOL.

Okay I admit, I came from a high fuel cost country where a 2.0 litre engine was considered big or at least satisfactory for 99.9999% of all A to B driving needs. The upside was an emphasis on style and practicality as well as a fun to drive factor. Given all that, I have to decipher if a car would meet my needs based on the meandering ramblings of American car journalists who write in their reviews that certain models are:

1) Not powerful enough for North American tastes (less than 3.5 litres is considered puny)
2) No V8 option available
3) Not big enough (seats are too narrow for the typical American waistline)
4) Styling failed a focus group (at some McDonalds drive thru in creationist theory loving Kansas)
5) Interior is too sophisticated (presumably for the NASCAR fan base)
6) Horror of horrors - it's a hatchback (second only in crime to supporting Osama)
7) Ride is too hard (we like to float)
8) Have to shift the manual transmission (like DUH.....)
9) Cup-holders not wide enough (supersize me baby !)
10) Not enough chrome

It is little wonder that the Big 3 North American auto makers are in dire straits, when practicality and styling take a back seat and lip service is paid to both Kyoto and the status of non-renewable fossil fuels. In the meantime, the search for an intelligent, interesting, humorous and talented partner rather than a 42DD air-head continues............